Starchy, thickened, and chalky finish: a ham-fisted attempt to mask its fat deficiency. The flavor is highlighted by a ‘cartony’ note and reinforced with salt (a good move).
All in USA
Toft's Nonfat Chocolate Milk
Boringly flat, otherwise relatively unoffensive for nonfat chocolate milk. There’s no curious flavors (good or bad), and drinking any more than a thimbleful is likely to be unsatisfying.
Hartzler Family Dairy Chocolate Milk
Beautifully creamy, with a malty (and almost caramel-like) dominance that manages to feel indulgent, yet responsible and mature.
Calder Bros. Dairy Chocolate Milk
Saltier and less sweet than the glass bottle version, this strikes the perfect balance of massively chocolaty, ridiculously creamy, and finely tuned sweet/salty harmony.
Guernsey Farms Dairy Chocolate Milk (plastic)
Delicious much in the same way as the cartoned version, but lacking the salty punch of its counterpart (probably only detectable in a side-by-side comparison). A fine addition to anyone’s grocery order, even in the quality-rich Michigan chocolate milk scene.
Calder Bros. Dairy Chocolate Milk
Immensely chocolaty, creamy and plenty sweet— it’s not just ‘dessert-y’— but a full-on dessert in itself. The cocoa flavor is bold and lasts well into the next few minutes of your life, after which you may want to strongly consider brushing your teeth.
Guernsey Farms Dairy Chocolate Milk
Decadently creamy with a generous amount of salt that makes this feel more like a melted milkshake. Each swallow imparts a warm embrace on whatever it comes in contact with. Don’t get any ideas..
MOO-ville Creamery Chocolate Milk
An absolutely delicious ride through chocolate streams gilded with buttery cream— an experience of which you will not soon tire. I was well into my second glass before snapping out of my momentary bliss-induced aphasia. Go out of your way to acquire this.
Country Dairy Dutch Chocolate Milk
Impressive duality of sweet cream and sour cocoa that melds together seamlessly, providing an indulgently chocolaty experience from start to finish.
Hilhof Dairy Organic Chocolate Milk
A hint of ‘wild’ sets this creamy, chocolaty dream apart from the more ‘produced’ chocolate milks out there. It disperses wonderfully and leaves you with a slight cocoa film, but feels natural throughout. This makes me think of how chocolate milk perhaps used to be— and what horrible things have happened to afford us the myriad concoctions/perversions that flood the market today.
Our Family Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Lightly sweet and bland, with a starchy clinginess to the inside of your mouth— as though it's trying its best to hang on and impart some flavor “if only we had more time!!”— but fails remarkably in the end, cascading down the esophageal chasm never to be heard from again.
Meijer Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Decent amount of punch to the flavor, which feels dense and layered— an odd quality for low fat chocolate milk. There’s plenty of salt throughout and the sweetness doesn’t overstay its welcome. Texture-wise, it’s a bit on the starchy side, but overall it stands well above average.
Oberweis Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Generously chocolaty flavor that marches confidently into the aftertaste; it’s rich without being extravagant.
Meijer Chocolate Milk
Creamy, smooth, and paints within the ‘whole chocolate milk’ lines. Much preferable to the ‘Purple Cow’ chocolate milk line purchased at Meijer in other locations.
Castle Rock Organic Farms Cream Line Chocolate Milk
Fantastic creamy flavor, though you do have to eat some of it. The chocolate settles rather quickly, but if you can catch it in suspension, you will be able to taste it— but cream is the predominant flavor. Vigorous shaking is insufficient to mix it completely— you will require mechanical means for this should you wish to try.
Oberweis Dairy Chocolate Milk
Light, yet indulgent feel— mainly due to the powerfully true cocoa flavor that graces each mouthful. All other flavors are in excellent proportion to support the delivery of chocolate with minimal distraction. Sounds complicated, but feels effortless.
Sassy Cow Creamery Chocolate Milk
Plenty flavorful and richly creamy, with a sweet cocoa flavor approaching the ‘candy’ end of the spectrum and finishes with a satisfyingly salty, mildly chalky conclusion.
Babcock Hall Dairy Chocolate Milk
Pleasantly smooth with a powdery quality to both the cocoa and finish, though it doesn't stray too far from the standard chocolate milk paradigm on all fronts. Likely serves as a key component of many a local hangover remedy.
Prairie Farms Lowfat Chocolate Milk (carton)
Even more drab than its nasty ‘wet cement’ gray visage insinuates. The flavor is temporarily sweet, nearly fruity, and all foul. The ‘sell by’ date is still 4 days in the future, but it’s hard to imagine that this is meant to taste like it does.
Oberweis No Sugar Added Low Fat Chocolate Milk
A chemical-esque chalky concoction, this may be more enjoyable to take as a suppository. The earthy flavor is more ‘garage sweepings’ than ‘arable countryside’ and the sweetener is distracting (perhaps a good thing in this case). I get that it’s low calorie— but it just reinforces the adage that there’s no biological free lunch.