Sweet and chalky with a somewhat reluctant cocoa flavor hiding behind a more vanilla-laced sweetness. It doesn’t feel ‘milky’— it doesn’t taste ‘chocolaty’— but it does taste familiar.
All in USA
Simply Natural Creamery Chocolate Milk
The fantastically smooth and creamy texture delivers a solid, medium cocoa flavor that fades gracefully into a sustained rapture. The consistency is a definite strong point, as it’s not unobtrusively thick like some Jersey-based milks can be.
Maple View Farm Chocolate Milk (plastic)
Chocolaty, creamy, a bit on the thick side, but ultimately delicious. I enjoyed the plastic bottle version better than the glass bottle version, but I have not had them side-by-side. Either way, you won’t be disappointed.
Ran-Lew Dairy Cream Top Chocolate Milk
Incredibly unique! Reminiscent of a bucket of chocolate popcorn— it’s salty, buttery, and chocolaty— firmly in that order— and is like nothing else I’ve ever consumed, save for the salty milk tea that was common throughout Mongolia.
Land O Lakes Grip'n Go Chocolate Milk
Smooth, creamy, and carries a flavorful sweet/salty punch that is enough to maintain one’s interest. The texture is milky but a hint on the sticky side.
Shatto Milk Company Cookies & Cream Milk
All the delicious excitement of melted cookies ‘n cream ice cream without the soggy Oreo bits (arguably the best part). It’s smooth, creamy, and appropriately flavored— the best cookies ’n cream milk I’ve had yet.
Great Value Calcium Fortified Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Powdery texture veiled in a light (but sweet) caramel flavor. That actually reads better than it drinks.
Promised Land Dairy Midnight Chocolate Reduced Fat Milk
Strong cocoa flavor with enough sweetness to curb most sugar cravings. Texture-wise, it feels overly thick (which may appeal to some) but still disperses normally— like good quality chocolate melting on your tongue.
Fair Oaks Farms Chocolate Milk
Ultra smooth and surprisingly thin considering the fat content— it’s super drinkable, decently chocolaty, deceptively creamy, and unique for its category.
Promised Land Dairy Midnight Chocolate Whole Milk
Deliciously buttery and chocolaty— a dessert-worthy chocolate milk available in most U.S. states. It’s very sweet as well, but the other flavors are well enough amped up such that it doesn’t feel out of place.
Roundy's Select Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Chocolaty and salty— not a terrible flavor combination for a product attempting to be indulgent without upping the fat content. It’s very pleasant, though the aftertaste deteriorates into a cloying sweetness after the other flavors dissipate.
Prairie Farms Lowfat Chocolate Malt Milk
Tasty malt flavor with a generous amount of chocolate to boot. I like the thinner viscosity and how the salt helps to curtail the sweetness, preventing it from losing control and overshadowing the rest of its features.
Kilgus Farmstead Chocolate Milk
I love the thin, clean viscosity, and how it carries more than its fair ration of cocoa. It’s also highlighted by a delicious creamy flavor that brilliantly outperforms its ‘2% reduced fat' designation.
Traderspoint Creamery Organic Chocolate Milk Shot
Dark, bold, mature cocoa flavor that is drinkable through the wondrous confluence of science and agriculture. It’s the perfect size (4.5oz / 135mL) for something so indulgent, in that it not only prevents over exposure, but it forces one to drink it slowly and truly appreciate the experience. The future of chocolate milk for adults, and perhaps the future of dessert itself.
United Dairy Farmers High Protein Low Fat Chocolate Milk
A searing sweetness pierces through the formidable chocolate flavor, and ultimately sets the back of your throat ablaze with small, sugary lightning bolts. It still tastes ‘good’ but is a bit gluttonous with the ‘sweet’ lever. Avoid if you’re prone to diabetic shock.
United Dairy Farmers Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Unapologetically flavorful with plus sweet/salty/cocoa aspects. Overall, a very solid build, strongly chocolaty, and hard to believe it’s just 1% fat.
United Dairy Farmers Homemade Serious Chocolate Lowfat Milk
Emphatically delivers on the ‘serious chocolate’ claim— it is abundantly so. It’s also significantly sweeter than average, and an odd choice to attempt to extend a 1% fat chocolate milk into the indulgent sphere. For the most part, it works— as the flavor is great (especially in small quantities due to the heavy-handed sugar), but it’s definitely more ‘starchy’ than ‘creamy’; you can't fake it with filler.
Green Field Farms Organic Chocolate Milk
Absolutely NAILS the ‘not terribly thick’ to ‘impossibly creamy’ ratio— I’ve already put down two glasses before writing the first word. There’s a blissfully buttery aspect to the cream flavor, and the cocoa it supports is prominently featured and delicious.
Giant Eagle Local Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Drinks very well— there’s a cleanness to the finish that is garnished with salt and malt. There’s also some chalk involved, but given the flavor, it seems to have a purpose and therefore does not stand out as a drawback.
Brunton Dairy Chocolate Milk
A true deluge of flavor from first sip to tummy-rubbing listless coma. Full-bodied, chocolaty, sweet, creamy— basically, it’s liquid love-handles.