Blissfully average. Does the job that you would expect from a cartoned, institutional-ready chocolate milk. All flavor levels adhere religiously to the median path and vow not to surprise any consumers regardless of their predilections.
All in USA
Lactaid Whole Chocolate Milk
Very smooth, appropriately creamy, but lacking a cocoa punch. Instead, the flavor resembles an inoffensive, yet relatively uninspired cooked milk sweetness that fades in proportion with the sip-to-swallow process. You’re left with a clean finish that helps to warrant future consumption, facilitating the ‘getting used to’ process.
Prairie Farms Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Proof that lactose free can still be milky and natural feeling— this is a very welcomed, full-fat addition to the category. Does well to keep the sweetness on a leash and let the cocoa flavor shine, which it does more so in the latter half of the draw. This deserves to be more popular that I presume it to be.
Organic Valley Breakfast Balance Dark Chocolate
Hollow and watery with the trademark Stevia-astringency, which remains remarkably difficult to hide. I’ve had much worse tasting things at this low-50s-calorie-per-100mL tranche, and I can’t deny the impressive attributes (organic, lactose free, gluten free, Fair Trade, high calcium, high(ish) protein)— but the flavor and drinking experience does not compare favorably to your average chocolate milk.
Dan and Debbie's Creamery Chocolate Milk
Gorgeously thin and buttery with little else to distract from the experience. After each swallow, you’re left with a warm sensation in the mouth, which mirrors your soul in solidarity.
Anderson Erickson Dark Chocolate Milk
Delicious dark chocolate flavor that is paired with appropriate levels of sweetness and salt. The texture is more of a distraction than anything else— and the creaminess isn’t quite where it should be. It’s on the viscous side, and doesn’t disperse as naturally as you’d expect, so there’s a bit of a ‘gulping’ action necessary to get it down.
Anderson Erickson Chocolate Hazelnut Milk
Much more palatable hazelnut chocolate milk than most of what I had in Europe— as there’s no punishing bitterness or cheap hand lotion-inspired texture. It’s milky, nutty, sweet, salty— lots of flavor going on here, and I suspect that if you fancy hazelnut, you’ll dig this quite a bit.
Anderson Erickson Chocolate Mint Milk
I enjoyed this more than expected— the mint flavor is refreshing and doesn’t deteriorate into any kind of funkiness post-swallow. Mint is definitely the dominant flavor, and it’s executed well-enough for this to be a year-round product. Et pourquoi pas?
Hansen's Dairy Chocolate Milk
Beautifully focused on chocolate, with a confident salty snap and a sweetness that fades into the background like a motionless barn owl. This definitely pushes the limits of what 1% milk fat can achieve— if/when Hansen’s Dairy produces a whole chocolate milk, I’ll be first in line!
Glenview Farms Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Its dull gray appearance translates seamlessly to the flavor— it’s under chocolaty, over-carton-y, and highlighted by a sweet, adhesive-like note— akin to licking those envelopes that are mildly sweetened. On the plus side, it’s very smooth, so it won’t clog your sink drain when disposing of it.
Hiland Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk
Powerfully flavorful with a salty peanut punch that compliments the cocoa and finishes quickly and resolutely. It feels indulgent and leaves you wanting more— exactly how a holiday-themed chocolate milk should be.
Fairlife Smart Snacks Rich Chocolate
The sweeteners seem to be in competition and ultimately dominate the experience. A honey-like note kicks off the sip, but by the end, you have a saliva-inducing essence plaguing your tongue. In the interim, there’s too much chalk and not enough cocoa to salvage a respectable score.
Shamrock Farms Rockin' Protein Recovery
Sweet, chocolaty, and decently (but not distractingly) chalky. There’s lots of flavor and it’s surprisingly well balanced— overall, one of the better tasting protein-fortified chocolate milks out there.
Manning Hill Farm Chocolate Milk
Cream and malt are decidedly the stars of the show here, and there’s little else to detract from that experience. It looks and drinks beautifully, exuding its indulgence via slow-burning cream rather than a sweet/chocolaty punch. The aftertaste is warm and reflective, and you drink more to maintain that sentiment rather than for another ‘hit’.
Braum's Chocolate Milk
Wow- refreshingly unique combination of cocoa flavor, textural density, and reigned-in sweetness that makes each mouthful one of satisfaction and intrigue. There’s also a unique marshmallow-esque flavor that comes through. Lovers of a thicker (and less sweet) chocolate milk profile will extol the virtues of Braum’s Chocolate Milk for years to come.
Ozark Mountain Creamery Chocolate Milk
Indulgently creamy with a unique cocoa profile that reminds me of Kalona Super Natural. There’s a hearty (I hate that word) texture that feels genuine— rich, dense cream and fine (but feel-able) cocoa particulates remind you that you’re drinking something real.
Memory Lane Dairy Chocolate Milk
Deliciously mild grass-fed flavor doesn’t usurp attention way from the cocoa but remains a solid supporting role throughout the experience. The cream also does its job astoundingly well, serving up a substantial, indulgent drink that nails the paradigm of chocolate milk we know and love.
Edgewood Creamery Chocolate Milk
Infinitely creamy, delectably malty, and a sleek, velvety viscosity that won’t clog one’s esophagus (despite my best efforts). It’s got just the right amount of wildness, and a buttery base that sustains its flavor well into the post-sip introspection stage.
Central Dairy Chocolate Milk
The flavor balance is skewed more towards ‘sweet’ than ‘chocolate’— a trope often seen in lower-fat chocolate milks. Whole milk shouldn’t need this sort of ‘band-aid’— don’t get me wrong, it still tastes good, but could be a lot better with more cocoa and less sugar.
Central Dairy Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Decent chocolate punch with more than enough sweetness and normal levels of salt and cream. No funky off-flavors here, it’s relatively no-frills lowfat chocolate milk but still manages to deliver a solid drinking experience.