Beautifully simple and enticing dichromatic carton that makes you eager to enjoy what’s inside. So what’s inside? Smooth, milky, modestly sweet and averagely chocolaty milk. You could do a lot worse.
All in USA
Giant Lactose Free Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Proof that ‘smoothness’ doesn’t necessarily equate with ‘natural feeling’— it feels like the soul has been ultra-pasteurized right out of it, leaving you with a flat, mediocre, drinkable chocolate milk.
Giant Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Inoffensive, uninteresting, non-essential. Plays like standard low-fat chocolate milk and leaves you with a minor drying sensation after the sip— unless that was induced by lip-smacking in an attempt to locate a flavor that simply wasn’t there.
Weis Signature Collection Chocolate Milk
Less sweet (thankfully) and more chocolaty than its non-signature (?) counterpart. This carries a much more mature bravado and is confident without being ostentatious.
Weis Chocolate Milk
Strongly flavorful but fairly misguided in its approach. You’re hammered with a syrupy sweet, caramel flavor that lingers on the palate and doesn’t foster the 'whole chocolate milk' experience you expect.
Weis Organics Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Sweet and salt are understated, but not missed, as its subtle cocoa flavor and an adequately creamy base give this a more ‘responsible’ than ‘recreational’ feel.
Manning Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk
Thickly creamy, and confidently chocolaty— a true dessert-like treat in liquid form. It’s rather filling, both from a spiritual and intestinal standpoint, and will be my stock answer going forward when asked, “What can you get for a dollar anymore?”
Weis Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Comes on strong and overstays its welcome. A searing, caramel-like sweetness bum-rushes the mouth in a desperate attempt for pancreatic conquest.
Hillside Farms Chocolate Milk
The cream melts in your mouth like a warm pat of honey butter, leaving you with a chocolate flavor that is straightforward and more of an adornment to its other characteristics (primarily the cream and salt/sweet balance). You won’t want the experience to end.
Valley Farms Chocolate Milk
Smooth texture, but a bit heavy on sweet, especially without a solid chocolate-backing. It’s far from disgusting, but could benefit from a more satisfying balance of sugar-to-cocoa for my tastes.
Valley Farms Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Decent balance of flavor that delves bravely into salty / caramel territory and is better for it. An above-average gallon with distinctive flavor and deceptively comely aesthetics.
Wegmans Organic Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Intriguing cocoa flavor that drops hints of sourness before vanishing into the ether. The taste is preferable to the texture, which is on the thicker/starchier side. All in all, a unique chocolate milk that is a pleasant addition to the under-served UHT market in the States.
Crystal Spring Farm Chocolate Milk
Gorgeous, just plain gorgeous. Thin texture, yet wonderfully creamy presence that you can feel from your lips to your hips, and all points in between. The cocoa flavor is omnipresent and true— this is not one to pass up!
Tanner Bros. Farm Chocolate Milk
Deliciously unique cocoa flavor reminiscent of (excellent) hot chocolate. Truly enjoyable from beginning to end, and a flavor that you will long to revisit for years to come.
Merrymead Farm Chocolate Milk
Creamy and lightly sweet, it’s a pleasant way to spend a few minutes or a few hundred calories. The cocoa won’t kick your door down anytime soon, so expect a polite encounter with minimal baggage.
Bailys Dairy Chocolate Milk
Perhaps the utmost paragon of the low-viscosity, high-creaminess ratio that I hold dear! Its luxuriously creamy texture disperses naturally and uniformly, delivering a choco-maltiness that is as delicious as it is unique. You owe it your mouth to gift it this experience.
Hiland Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Great milky feel and a clean, if not somewhat tardy cocoa flavor. With the recent slew of lactose free whole chocolate milks to come out— it’s as good a time as any for the lactose intolerant.
Belfonte Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Painfully bland, unnaturally thick, and sports a syrupy finish that makes you ask “What is it exactly that I’m consuming here?” followed by “…and why continue?”— neither of which I can answer.
WW Homestead Dairy Skim Chocolate Milk
About as good as a nonfat chocolate milk can be. Chocolate remains the primary focus, and the supporting cast delivers it with enough confidence to allay strong suspicions about the fat content (or lack thereof). It does drink a little on the thicker side, but perhaps they’ve unlocked a secret regarding nonfat chocolate milk— don’t homogenize.
Piggly Wiggly Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Smooth, but sweetly flat and otherwise relatively flavorless. The consistency is its top attribute, rivaled only by the aproned, milk-swilling swine on the label.