All in USA

Bunker Hill Creamery Chocolate Milk

Just…wow! An incredibly unique combination of: super chocolaty, powerfully sweet, nicely thin, yet indulgently creamy! I love that it has the confidence in itself to avoid the standard thickeners and to gum up the texture unnaturally. As a result, you have one heck of an indulgent treat that wouldn't be a bit out of place on a high-end dessert menu. But for now, it's in my fridge, and I'm delighted to have it!

Midland Farms Low Fat Chocolate Milk

Not bad for an institutional, low-fat chocolate milk. The amiable texture carries less sweetness, allowing the creaminess and chocolate grab the limelight (which is admittedly rather dim). Slight drying sensation several seconds after the swallow, but I've had much worse in the genre.

Maola Extra Rich Chocolate Milk

Creamy, smooth, moderately chocolaty experience with a noticeable 'cooked milk' flavor that some might mistake for a 'caramelish' dimension. It does not live up to the past Marva Maid Extra Rich at all. There's no apparent richness beyond what your typical whole chocolate milk offers. It's good, not great.

Nestle Nesquik Whole Chocolate Milk

Certainly thicker, creamier, and more cocoa-focused than its standard lofwat cousin, but the texture feels a bit over-emulsified and there's a sweetness that lingers slightly past its curfew. It's a marked improvement and easily the best of the Nesquik lineup, but falls short of most other mass-produced whole chocolate milks in its peer group.

Nance Farm Creamery Chocolate Milk

Gorgeous non-homogenous base that is easily the star of the show, though it feels slightly underburdened with flavor. I like that it's not overly sweet, and the chocolate flavor that exists is pleasant while it's there, but whisks away quickly leaving you wanting more.

Muscle Monster Chocolate Energy Shake

An improvement over past iterations, but still lacking heavily in most relevant measures. It drinks a lot more watery than it looks and feels-- and has a pretty restrained flavor (which is better than having a strong, awful flavor). A chalkiness sets in about 4 seconds after the swallow, and it will even spread to your lips if unchecked. In short, not as offensive as I was braced for, but to call it a pleasant surprise would border on hyperbolic.

Southern Craft Creamery Chocolate Milk

Wow- a chocolate milk not afraid to be different! Beneath the gorgeous visage lies an undersweet, dark-chocolate-adjacent vein of indulgence that, when it mixes in uniformly with the cream, delivers a prominently unique experience-- the memory of which will last well beyond the product itself. I love the non-homogenous creamy base unimpeded by starchy, faux-viscosity-- this disperses swiftly but not before leaving an impression, and like good houseguests, leaves you wanting more.

Dakin Dairy Farms Chocolate Milk

Powerful upfront (slightly earthy) cocoa hit complimented by a strong but fleeting sweetness, thanks to a salty snap that curbs the sweet and accentuates the cream flavor on the way out. It drinks every bit as quickly as it satisfies your craving for potable indulgence.

Quest Chocolate Protein Shake

A sludgy, chalky disaster that only gets worse when you put it in your mouth. Sure, it delivers a ton of protein without the calories, at the mere cost of your pleasure and self-respect. It's overly fakey-sweet, with zero salt note to bring a resolution to it. There is at least a noticeable cocoa flavor if you can sift through the other garbage to appreciate it.

Southern Oaks Jerseys Chocolate Milk

Impossibly creamy, silky base that lasts well beyond the sip, imparting a delicate warmth upon every surface that it graces (don't get ahead of me here). There's plenty of room for additional flavor, but I appreciate the undersweetness and slow-burn cocoa that peaks in the aftertaste. The cream flavor is the standout feature-- and epitomizes the age-old advice of "do one thing, but do it extremely well."

Guernsey Girl Creamery Chocolate Milk

Gorgeously buttery and perfect ratio of (relatively thin) viscosity and (extremely high) creaminess. Gives you that warm feeling in your mouth, mind, and soul-- a feat often pursued but rarely achieved. The cocoa flavor is nicely in front of the sweetness, over all this is a painfully delicious way to spend your time!

Shop Springs Creamery Chocolate Milk

Fantastically punchy, bright cocoa headlines a densely-packed onslaught of flavor that hits all the notes. Creamy, buttery, salty-- your taste buds certainly won't feel short-changed at any point along this ride. Consistently delicious, and deliciously consistent-- an absolutely brilliant addition to the already stellar Tennessee chocolate milk scene!

Brown Family Dairy Chocolate Milk

Delicious cream flavor that remains the star of the experience throughout-- the cocoa flavor plays a supporting role and crescendos toward the conclusion of each sip. It's very enjoyable, if not a little on the bland side, but I would still prefer its graceful subtlety over a lesser base burdened with too much flavor.

Havens Down Home Creamery Chocolate Milk

Absolutely crushes the 'thin-viscosity-to-infinitely-creamy' ratio that I enjoy so much-- this is the kind of base that dreams are made of. Warm, buttery Jersey cream gilds every surface that it comes in contact with, delivering a slightly malty chocolate flavor and a tsunami of pleasure that I'd happily drown in.