All in USA

Richlands Dairy and Creamery Chocolate Milk

Powerfully straightforward deliciousness-- this is a premium version of what we all expect great chocolate milk to be-- chocolaty, sweet, and densely flavorful. It nails all those beats, a true melted-chocolate-ice cream proxy, and is both indulgent and satisfying from beginning to end.

Nice Farms Creamery Chocolate Milk

Paralyzingly creamy from initial contact through to blissful repose-- it has one of the most luxurious textures I've had the pleasure of experiencing to date, gilding any and all surfaces with buttery Jersey cream. Flavorwise, it leans more malty than overtly chocolaty. Its warm afterglow lasts minutes beyond the pint; I suspect that the impact on your soul will last significantly beyond that.

Broom's Bloom Dairy Chocolate Milk

Delicious straightforward cocoa flavor with little distraction-- it drinks quickly and distributes naturally, with a somewhat fleeting aftertaste for creamline milk-- granted, the aftertaste that remains is a lightly dusty cocoa footprint that whets your appetite for more.

Lewes Dairy Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Sweet and really nothing else. There's no way anyone would identify this as 'chocolate' if blindfolded. A syrupy vanilla flavor is really the only standout flavor characteristic, and the texture is smooth and milky-adjacent, but not quite there either.

Lewes Dairy Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Less overtly sweet than the lowfat version, but same textural woes (sticky, almost-milky) and similar vanilla-forward, blandish flavor that is way under-indexed in cocoa flavor. Sometimes, that can still be good, but not in this case, as there's sadly nothing else worthy of your attention.

Lewes Dairy Chocolate Milk

Allegedly 'whole' chocolate milk according to the nutrition facts, but you wouldn't know it. It suffers the same flavor struggles as the lowfat and reduced fat versions, just not giving the drinker any reason to continue aside from a quick sugar rush.

Wawa Cookies and Cream Milk

Reformulated from the previous version, this is every bit as sickly sweet as before, albeit with improved visuals (from what I can remember) and a thin texture built for speed rather than comfort. Sugar junkies, seek this stuff out, but it's way too distractingly sweet for me to recommend in good faith.

Grube's Dairy Chocolate Milk

Delicious base that almost profiles like a non-homogenous one, but it delivers and maintains a medium-intensity cocoa flavor with competence and grace. Tiny bit of cocoa grit at the end of some sips, which I certainly don't mind-- just a tactile reminder of the otherwise smooth, creamy, and satisfying treat.

Rutter's Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk

Points for accuracy here, it tastes a lot like a peanut butter cup and is nicely restrained in a way that works to its benefit. The reduced fat base is neither pushed to its limits nor exposed-- it rests confidently in the background as the chocolate and peanut butter flavors tell their story.

Way-Har Farms Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Same unique flavor profile to the whole version (noticeably less-sweet, and unique toasted marshmallow-esque flavor), this 2% port is a fantastic use of its calories, should that be a concern. It's slightly thinner and has less creamy sustain than it's full-fat counterpart, but this easily outpaces some of the big-brand whole chocolate milks that you might find in your local supermarket.

Miller's Organic Farm Raw Chocolate Milk

Moderately chocolaty and lightly malty, it drinks quickly due the the thinness but leaves a delicious wild, creamy repose on your tastebuds for a long time after each sip. For me, I enjoy the aftertaste every bit even more than the upfront taste, which is on the mild side. This is the real deal-- raw milk as it comes out of the cow, so don't expect it to be like the mass-produced stuff you might find on supermarket shelves.

Hy-Point Farms Chocolate Milk

Thick, sticky, and sweet beyond its means-- if melted, bland vanilla ice cream is your thing, look no further. The bottle is colored brown perhaps to mask the fact that the 'chocolate' milk inside is several shades lighter, and wouldn't register as chocolate to 9 out of 10 blindfolded tasters (unsubstantiated claim).

Down on the Farm Creamery Chocolate Milk

Thick and chocolaty-- one of the chocolate milks that I could put in front of nearly anyone and be 100% confident that they would enjoy it. It's got a strong cocoa flavor of medium sweetness, and a beefy body does its job more than adequately to deliver the flavor and elevate the experience as one of indulgence and bliss.

Dutch Meadows Raw Chocolate Milk

Brilliantly thin with generous cocoa and lavishly grassy undertones, it's a unique treasure to enjoy raw chocolate milk like this. Its thin viscosity is devoid of any starches, thickeners, or emulsifiers could prove to be a hurdle for the uninitiated. But it's a hurdle well worth pursuing.

Lancaster Local Chocolate Milk

Wow-- quite a different experience! It's shockingly under sweet, under salty, yet quite thick and deceptively creamy. A few sips into it, I'm starting to appreciate it more-- and the novelty does carry some cachet with me after having over 1,500 different chocolate milks (many of which fit into common paradigms).

Shoprite Bowl & Basket Chocolate Milk

Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry… but make 'em feel…something. This looks gray, and tastes, well, gray as well. There's not much to report from a flavor standpoint, it's effectively drinkable ennui. It feels pretty good, though, and is not over sweet or funky in any way whatsoever. It's just...there. I think I broke the record for ellipses in this review, so it's at least memorable for that reason...