Overly thick and chalky with an ok cocoa hit that can't quite cover the cooked milk flavor. Despite its gorgeous dark brown visage, there's not much more to enjoy unless you've got a serious penchant for soulless, stabilizer-riddled dairy.
All in Canada
Milk 2 Go Sport Pro Chocolate
It probably won’t stab you to death in the shower. That’s the only positive thing I can say about it. You won’t question the ‘no sugar added’ claim on the front, but you may ponder how many brushings it will take to erase the flavor from your mouth, and how much bleach you’ll have to huff to dull the memory.
Island Farms Chocolate Milk
Uber smooth, and has a noticeably ‘woody’ flavor— slightly bolder than that of your typical paper/carton taste. It’s not off-putting, but it’s not flavorful enough to overcome (what I assume to be) the essence leeched from the packaging.
Joyya Chocolate Milk
A rotten, chalkier emulation of Fairlife. Everything is second rate, from the sickly gray substance that slithers out of the hole to the ‘what-sweetness-exists-is-obviously-fake’ flavor, to the starchy, drying finish. Awful.
Happy Planet Creamery Dark Chocolate Milk
Densely packed with outstanding cocoa flavor that remains the sole focus throughout. Both salty and sweet step aside allowing the chocolate to steamroll your face into prostrate submission. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Milk 2 Go Cookies & Cream
If washed-out vanilla milk is your scene, look no further. What flavor there is lingers a bit much and morphs into an unpleasant aftertaste that will have you reaching for the salt & vinegar chips to bring it to swift judgment.
Dairyland Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
More sweet than anything else, in a way that veers slightly from cocoa and approaches caramel. It’s less smooth than others of this ilk, but remains a viable alternative to average, lactose-containing chocolate milk.
Valley Pride Organic Chocolate Milk
For mature audiences only! Dark chocolate flavor that retreats to the rear of the palate, absconding with your inhibitions and challenging your long-held chocolate milk paradigms. It’s delicious as it is unique, and for true fans of fireside sipping, sophistication emulating, or post-self-destruction brooding, this may be the one for you.
Avalon Dairy Chocolate Milk
Its pinkish hue exudes novelty from the very start, culminating in quite possibly the most powerfully malty chocolate milk I’ve yet to experience in nearly 1,300 worldwide. The texture is beautiful and does well to support the sharply delicious and nonpareil malty flavor.
Hope Eco-Farms Chocolate Milk from Grassfed Water-Buffalo
Thin, creamy (we cheated by using a blender, as tireless manual shaking couldn’t break up all the chunks of cream), and a prominent but slightly powdery chocolate flavor. The cream is really difficult to incorporate fully, as it becomes foamy and wants to ride atop the drink. As such, the flavor gets washed out toward the end by a watery feel. It’s unique, and not miles apart from cows milk— only the aftertaste hints at difference, be it species or the grassfed-ness.
Hope Eco-Farms Chocolate Milk From Grassfed Sheep
Powerful blast of flavor— cocoa, cream, and a salty butteriness that will cause your tongue to weep: emitting tears more closely associated with joy than sorrow. There’s no goaty twang, but an undeniably unique quality that is both fun and interesting. Once the liquid is gone, you have a drying chalkiness that isn’t terribly off-putting because the tasty flavor lingers alongside. A must-try for fans of chocolate milk!
Longo's Organic Chocolate Milk
The flavor is marked by a somewhat sharp (initial) sweetness that distributes evenly a split second after it hits the tongue, leaving you with mild cocoa flavor and a rich milky texture that you will want to experience again.
Sheldon Creek Dairy Chocolate Milk
Fantastically creamy, less-sweet, and an almost yogurt-y sour twinge that is unique and welcomed. Mature flavor that manages to feel indulgent despite having nearly half the sugar of most other chocolate milks.
Miller's Dairy Chocolate Milk
Thick, yet smooth and more than justified by the creaminess— which is excessive (not in a bad way, of course). The cocoa flavor is there, but it’s slightly on the ‘milkier’ side of ‘dark.’ Definitely an experience to savor.
Organic Meadow Chocolate Milk (946mL glass)
Excellent punch of cocoa enveloped in a buttery creaminess that seems beyond what 2% milk fat should be capable of. I could easily down the entire bottle, which would cause me to be more disturbed by the sight of the empty vessel than at the gluttonous lust it took to achieve it.
Harmony Organic Chocolate Milk (1L glass)
No hint of rum that I sensed in the carton version, just a velvety, malty, melted-ice cream deliciousness. The saltiness is dialed to the perfect notch; in short— it tastes every bit as beautiful as it looks.
Milk 2 Go Sport Chocolate Protein Shake
It's hard to believe that there’s actually 6.8g sugar per 100mL— tastes like much less. The experience is dominated by a sour, damp, wheaty flavor that will linger on your palate long after each ill-considered mouthful.
Organic Meadow Chocolate Milk (UHT)
Noticeably darker and thicker than the fresh Organic Meadow in the carton. It still had a mature flavor, accentuated by a high creaminess and low sweetness. All in all, a delicious UHT asset to the OM portfolio.
Natrel Chocolate Milk
Smooth and sweet with a bit of a candied cocoa flavor. Competently mediocre— but, let’s face it: average chocolate milk is good.
Milk 2 Go Chocolate Milk
Carries a stronger ‘milky’ flavor than that of chocolate, and there’s even a touch of ‘buttery’ that provides a tiny facet of novelty in an otherwise conventional chocolate milk.