1,823 chocolate milks | 52 countries | currently scouring my fridge for more...
All tagged Review Examples
A brilliant concoction perfectly demonstrating how cocoa, sweetness, saltiness, and cream can be delivered from just 3 simple ingredients. I had the misfortune of busting a bottle on a Pimlico sidewalk, but found solace in knowing that a colony of ants will have its collective mind blown.
Pretty average in most respects, the texture is a touch on the starchy side, and the cocoa flavor is toward the candy end and lightly sour. The packaging is definitely its best feature, though after having tried it, you realize that the cow’s arms are raised more in the spirit of ‘surrender’ than ‘celebration.’
Chocolate flavor that is stripped down and fleeting— it lacks a salty presence to help establish the supporting cast, and ultimately treads into the brackish water between ‘chocolate’ and ‘candy’.
So nastily fruity that I concluded that it HAD to be fermented. It wasn’t like vinegar, just a sickening, searing sweetness that scurried down my throat like it had done something wrong.
Highly emulsified, unnatural feel, and a super-sweet, melted-marshmallow-esque flavor that is noticeably better than others I’ve had in this genre (American Style, Milbona Shake, etc.). I would expect young kids to enjoy this, but then again, young kids sometimes enjoy finger-painting with their own feces.
Smells like dirt, but to say that it tastes like dirt would be insincere flattery. It’s foreseeably under-sweet, chalky, significantly earthy, and thoroughly avoidable.
Super thin, smooth, and more sweet than anything else, though there is a background cocoa presence. It goes down very quickly, in part due to the chug-friendly viscosity, and also due to the fervency with which you will search for deeper flavor (only to come up short).
Unnaturally sludgy texture that oozes forth an earthy, contrived cocoa flavor. Expect a fair bit of residue to line the inside of wherever you choose to pour this— but I don’t recommend ‘the mouth.’
Thin and chocolaty with a cocoa flavor that approaches sour and earthy. Would be lots better with a creamy backing-- as is, it’s a hint too watery; the liquid component washes away quickly, causing the cocoa particulates to gather on the tongue as though you were panning for gold in a Sierra Nevada creek.
I’ve never actually wrung out damp tree bark and lapped the drippings, but this would be the flavor that I reckon would result. Water-thin, highly unsweet, 80% earthy, 15% wheaty, and the last 5% is hard to put a finger on, but for now let’s file it under ‘lichens.’
Imagine this- you snorted a full packet of Sweet ’n Low, then someone blasted you in the face, causing your nose to trickle artificially-sweetened blood both in through your lips and down the back of your throat. This experience (in bottled form) is available at Auchan for a mere 219 Hungarian Forint.
Seems like a contradiction in terms, but this is SO memorably bland. It tastes like nothing at all— not water, not air, but maybe like plain 1% milk, without the ‘milk’ flavor though (whatever that is). Almost always, these protein drinks have some sort of weird flavor, sweetener, texture, etc.— but not this one. Four years ago, in Berlin (for my birthday) we did the float tank (Float Berlin); this is the drinkable version of sensory deprivation.
Super dark, very chalky, but also decently chocolaty. The flavor is much better than the texture— which is downright sludgy the closer you get to the bottom. The last few ‘sips’ will require mandibular employ.
A flavor reminiscent of skunky, under-sweetened Ensure, with a torpidly gummy texture. Choking to death on this stuff would be an awful way to die-- for me it lies somewhere between ‘open water shark attack' and ‘getting slowly consumed feet-first by a runaway escalator.’
Bland with a slightly nutty flavor that is an improvement over the sour/dirty flavor of the original. Considering the paucity of sugar in this product, it's not bad, but compared with normal chocolate milk, it’s still noticeably behind. Tastes better than expected, but my expectations could have stood tall beneath a pregnant tick.
Awesome aesthetics— whether in its separated or shaken state. It’s a very unique flavor— heavily sour, but swept away by a luxuriously creamy wave. It’s remarkable, in the sense that I’ll remember it for a long time and at some point in my life another taste of something will transport me momentarily back to Copenhagen in remembrance.
Sour and earthy, with a decent slab of chalk mixed in. Leaves a drying sensation to the mouth that makes you want to drink more— more of something else though.
If ‘potting soil’ and ‘paint thinner’ had a baby, this would be the amniotic fluid. This isn’t really chocolate milk in the purest sense, it’s definitely a ‘health shake’— and it may deliver on that, but if it’s taste you’re after, spread garbage disposal gleanings on a cracker instead.
Tons of taste— the chocolate flexes its muscles and is judiciously disseminated by the cream, leaving a warmth in your mouth, as though it’s hugging you and your body reciprocates. Excellent.
So thin and smooth that you expect a watery quality-- but it's not there— instead it delivers a solid chocolate experience with minimal baggage.
