HEB MooTopia Chocolate Milk

Immediate flavor rushes in with each sip— a rather welcome guest that stays just a bit too long. The artificial sweeteners are present but on good behavior, and despite a chalky medium, there’s plenty to like about this. It’s strongly salty, which outlasts the other flavors for the most part, but makes it easy to return for more.

HEB Low Fat Chocolate Milk

Feels artificially thick— 1% milk fat doesn’t do this on its own. Aside from the slightly inauthentic texture, the flavor is pleasantly sweet and box-checkingly average on the cocoa side of things. Some might appreciate the thickened viscosity— it’s not egregious, but noticeable if you’re afflicted with a similar sensitivity.

Feliciana's Best Creamery Cream Line Chocolate Milk

Brilliantly creamy with a hint of wildness to it that is reminiscent of grass-fed cows (it’s not labeled as such, so I don’t know for sure). Cream and chocolate are much more prominent than salt or malt; it’s decadent enough to serve after dinner or to use as a temptation device for getting out of bed in the morning. Avoid lunchtime though. (Just kidding.)

Kleinpeter Chocolate Milk

Surprisingly muted sweetness, which affords the cocoa flavor an untethered frolic across your tastebuds. It carries a mature-feeling indulgence rather than an adolescent ‘candification’— it's well balanced in this regard and remains drinkable beyond those situations merely requiring a quick sugar fix.

Food Club Chocolate Milk

Creamy, smooth, and desserty without being overpoweringly flavorful in any direction. Malt is the most notable feature, and it’s executed well enough that pining for more chocolate would be an unlikely and perhaps unreasonable response.

Happy Cow Creamery Chocolate Milk

Highly unique, vanilla-forward punch will make your cup runneth over with flavor. Chocolate soon follows, hitting that 'melted ice cream' flavor that is a lot less common (for chocolate milk) than one might assume. It's non-homogenized base far outperforms the bog-standard supermarket whole milk, and is fully burdened with a novel vanilla-choc flavor profile, explosive sweetness, and a generous (albeit tertiary) creamy kick.

Working Cows Dairy Chocolate Milk

Wow- quite an interesting experience! It’s an odd combination of very thin (almost watery) and yet it carries a strong wild / grass-fed flavor that stands out. Its non-homogenous dark gray coloration really sets it apart as well. I usually reward uniqueness when it comes to the scores, but in this case, the flavor just isn’t what I’m looking for in a chocolate milk. That said, I will remember this product for a long time, and recommend chocolate milk lovers to give it the ol’ college try if you’re able.

Sonic Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Smoother and slightly less sweet than Bojangles, and a similarly enjoyable experience. It doesn't take any chances; escaping mediocrity is likely not the goal here. Sonic has many more truly indulgent menu options— chocolate milk need not be one of them.

Dairy Queen Natrel Low Fat Chocolate Milk

A dialed-back sweetness works in its favor as it helps to keep chocolate as the main focus. There is a tiny hit of a ‘menthol-ish’ quality, sort of in the same sense that the paste we used in grade school had a ‘mintyness’. It doesn’t detract much, it’s just noticeable enough to comment. Don’t act like you didn’t at least try eating paste as a child.

Howling Cow Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Decidedly average in most respects— it is on the thinner side of the viscosity continuum. It does sport a mild ‘cartony’ taste that tends to be more prevalent in smaller carton-housed chocolate milks. Plenty serviceable for collegiate dining halls, late-night study groups, and hangover relief.

Lowes Foods Chocolate Milk

Much more malty than chocolaty, but creamy and unique. It’s fairly salty and leaves more of a post-swallow residue than an aftertaste. This won't satisfy your chocolate fix, but it’s malty and indulgent enough feeling to feel desserty.