Creamy, salty, malty, and smooth— not a bad profile for a reduced fat chocolate milk, and while the cocoa piece is largely missing, it’s not too sorely ‘missed’ in this case.
S&D Smith Dairy Chocolate Milk
Luxuriously buttery, excruciatingly flavorful, the absolute pinnacle of what Jersey chocolate milk can and should be! The perfect amount of grass in the cream serves as a constant homage to its origins and the true magic that cows perform in order to convert ‘that’ to ‘this.’ Each sip feels like a gift that I neither earned nor deserved. Pure heaven.
Upstate Farms Milk For Life Lactose Free Chocolate Milk
Surprisingly strong pop of flavor upfront, then hampered by a modest stevia-laden aftertaste. There’s a slight cooling sensation throughout, and while the stevia is fairly well cloaked initially, it later induces salivation (reactionary, not anticipatory, to be clear).
Next Generation Creamery Chocolate Milk
Luxuriously creamy throughout, from first contact to lasting afterglow— imparting a delicious medium cocoa flavor on every surface it graces. If all chocolate milk felt as rewarding as this, the world would be a much better place!
Hoover's Dairy Chocolate Milk
Unapolagetically confident in its creamy base and maturely indulgent cocoa flavor— where sweetness plays very much a supporting role and is better for it. It’s dessert-y, and wholly satisfying without the oft-used sugary ‘crutch’— in short, it’s a magnificent way to spend a few bucks, a few hundred calories, and a few precious moments of your life.
7-Select Organic Chocolate Milk
Nicely flavorful and creamy for a reduced-fat chocolate milk. It hits all the requisite notes with competence and fulfills its duty as a slightly premium but worthwhile convenience store dairy case option.
Sheeder Cloverleaf Dairy Chocolate Milk
More malty than chocolaty, but more creamy than malty— a delectably smooth and tasty experience that concludes with a grassy, salty caress. Not sure if that conjures the right imagery, but it’s what came to mind.
Braums A2 Chocolate Milk
Same deliciously unique flavor of the original (non-A2) Braum’s, featuring a powerful cocoa punch, hefty body, and commendable under-sweetness that affords a toasted marshmallow flavor without the sugar rush.
Rasband Dairy Chocolate Milk
Smoothly creamy, and features more cocoa flavor than sweetness or salt. It feels simple, yet manages to nail the essence of what good chocolate milk should be.
Cass-Clay Swiss Chocolate Milk
Remarkably chocolaty to the extent that its reduced fat base feels maximally leveraged— delivering a solidly indulgent, plenty sweet, and abundantly flavorful experience. A higher fat content would have likely spiked the max flavor and sustained it for longer, but as it is, I’m not complaining.
Prairie Farms Chocolate Malt Milk
Sharply and confidently malty, and I applaud the commitment to that end. It’s decidedly unique and pulls off its charter with panache. There’s no lack of salty or sweet, it’s a punch in the face, albeit a well-intentioned one. Bravo.
Prairie Farms Chocolate Custard
A violently sweet attempt at chocolate egg nog, with no semblance of chocolate, and sugar content seemingly beyond what science could allow. The searing sweetness will aggravate the nerves in your throat; it’s criminal that this doesn’t come with an insulin chaser.
Weber's Dairy Fresh Chocolate Milk
Quickly flavorful, and leaves you wanting more— both in the sense of a second serving, as well as a desire for a more resolute cocoa flavor and creamier base. Beggars can’t be choosers, and 2% certainly has its limits, but the chasm between ‘good’ and ‘great’ remains formidable.
Crystal Ball Farms Chocolate Milk
The creaminess-to-viscosity ratio makes it infinitely drinkable and the mildly grassy/buttery finish serves as the perfect exclamation point to a delectably enjoyable, rooted-in-nature dairy potable.
Farm Fresh Chocolate Milk
Sweet, smooth, and chocolaty, quite possibly in that order. The flavor is delivered promptly and efficiently, bestowing the delicious experience that we’ve come to expect and revere from whole chocolate milk.
Autumnwood Farm Chocolate Milk
Girth with purpose! Its densely concentrated flavor explodes on the tongue with salt, malt, cocoa, and lovely grassy cream that manages to extend its flavorful footprint long after the swallow. Simply put— there’s a whole lot to like, and fortunately, I’ve got a whole lot to drink.
Cub Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Chalky, hollow, and sadly astringent. This neither satisfies the palate nor drinks easily— I’ll mark it down as a food science failure.
Nesquik Protein Power Chocolate Milk
Funky fortified-esque flavor, not inconsistent with the Nesquik profile, but a departure from what most would consider to be ‘tasty.’ It’s salty upfront, and drying on the back end, and not enjoyable in between. Drink it for the ‘protein’ if you must, but this is strictly for post-recreation, not for recreation itself.
Kappers' Big Red Barn Chocolate Milk
Thin, smooth, and deliciously ice-creamy— quite an achievement with a mere 1% fat! It goes down quickly, but imparts a mildly salty, pleasantly chocolaty, fully unique flavor throughout. Patently excellent low fat chocolate milk.
Fairlife Yup! Cookies N' Creamiest Milk
Mild cookies ‘n cream flavor delivered through an uber-smooth medium that feels a touch unnatural. On the positive side, the artificial sweeteners don’t go overboard here, which is surprising, as cookies ’n cream drinks are prone to that affliction. It doesn’t move the genre forward, but provides another vehicle to get that much needed acesulfame potassium and Sucralose in your diet.