Quality Dairy Chocolate Milk

The cocoa profile is uniquely sour and 'wheaty' in my estimation, neither of which to an off-putting extent, but readily noticeable. Its body is sweet, beefy, and up to the task of distributing its flavor to where it needs to go. In short, it's both sweet and sour, and if that combination tickles your fancy, make your way over to QD.

Cook's Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk

Thinner than expected (a nice surprise) and more than adequately creamy to deliver a medium cocoa flavor that crescendos in strength in the second half of the sip. It's a delicious arrangement of flavor and texture, unmistakably chocolaty and milky-- it is what you think it is, just likely a notch or two better than you're used to.

Kroger CarbMaster

Searing upfront sweetness that may be a welcome palate assault for the hardcore carb-averse, but for everyone else, this is much more likely to offend than satisfy. The cocoa flavor is strong enough to poke through for a quick cameo, and its fat-starved, artificially-thickened base is less concerning than the sweetener concoction which, un-chased, will continue to devalue your oral real estate.

The Creamery Chocolate Milk

Sweet, cooked milk flavor that leans 'caramel-like' and is accentuated by a salty pop toward the back end which helps to mitigate the sugary rush. The box does a disservice to its beautiful light brown color (at least the straw is clear); in short, it's rather adept for a shelf-stable, reduced fat chocolate milk.

McDonald's Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Strong but fleeting pop of cocoa flavor upfront, but soon degenerates to a drab blandness and acute astringency. It peaks way early, and the undersweetness, while appreciated, doesn't allow for any other quality to rise to prominence. The aftertaste worsens with each passing moment, causing you to scramble around for a cold french fry remnant or any other edible mass to curb the ensuing misery.

O Organics Low Fat Chocolate Milk

Refreshingly under-sweet, yet surprisingly creamy and delicious for 1% lowfat. Chocolate is the focus, and the experience feels forthright and true from initial sip to pensive repose. Strong example of how sweetness should play a supporting (not leading) role.

FreshStart Farm Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk

Wow- a warm hug on a chilly day-- this is exactly what you need, and you don't want it to end. The proportions of chocolate, peanut butter, sweetness, and salt are in perfect harmony, and accentuated by a deliciously creamy and buttery base-- this is a rare treat that you won't soon forget.

La Colombe Draft Chocolate Milk

Surprisingly well-represented dark chocolate flavor over a paper-thin base that is quickly overmatched and incapable of doing the cocoa justice. Each sip imparts a warming sensation in the mouth that may precipitate salivation to clear it away. The packaging is gorgeous, the flavor unique, and the execution ultimately strays from 'indulgence' and instead leans toward 'interesting novelty that I don't need to have again.'

Premier Protein Chocolate

Sludgy, chalky, and vitamin-y tasting-- this would serve well as a meal replacement as it rather efficiently curbs the appetite. It's not face-twistingly bad, but rather predictable in its fortified flavor and clotted body. You deserve much better regardless of whether you just finished a crossfit workout or a large pizza.

Sarris Candies Chocolate Milkshake

Powerfully dense and flavorful, with a tidal wave of upfront sweetness followed by an extremely rewarding and rich chocolaty back end. Honestly, the latter third of the sip is the highlight, and worth weathering the initial sugary storm-- which, don't get me wrong, is indulgent and tasty, just stronger than you may expect from a chocolate milk. In short, it's super interesting, unique, and worth seeking out, particularly if you have a sweet tooth.

Chaney's Dairy Barn Chocolate Milk

This is sure to scratch anyone's itch for delicious whole chocolate milk-- it's thick, creamy, chocolaty, and plenty sweet. It's a bit beefier and more flavorful than the average whole offering, and while not necessarily unique in any one direction, all of its attributes coalesce very naturally, lending to a great overall 'feel.'

Zeal Grass Milk Creamery Chocolate Milk

Thick, creamy texture with a prominent grassy presence, hint of honey sweetness and a back-end Stevia bite. The search for any semblance of cocoa flavor lasted for 3 cups and was ultimately called off. I very much appreciate the texture and wildness factor, but simply put, the flavor falls well short of modest expectations and the choice to use Stevia (despite being a natural sweetener) causes a rather unnatural-feeling and suboptimal-tasting experience. Points for uniqueness though.

Family Express Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Drab, flavorless, and pancake flat; it’s ‘austerity’ in liquid form. Despite a lack of prominent taste, it finishes with a slightly earthy bent, and an annoyingly astringent feel. I’ve had much funkier products, but this one has all the makings of a D+ grade without the excitement of a more abject failure.

FreshStart Farm Chocolate Milk

Absolutely phenomenal on the palate— delivering powerfully grassy Jersey cream and cocoa with an artfully deft restraint on the sweetness lever. It’s bold, beefy, and brave in the best possible sense. I will cry when this bottle is empty. I don’t cry often.

Knueven Creamery Chocolate Milk

Densely flavorful without the cumbersome body— truly a masterpiece that lines up exceedingly well with my personal proclivities. The slightly mature cocoa flavor is delivered through a delicious grassy cream that seeks out your tastebuds with masterful precision and care. It knows it’s good, but refuses to brag.