All tagged Lactose Free
So brown, that it's nearly an angry red color-- and so undersweet that it amplifies the interrobang-inducing, off-putting soy-adjacent (but not soy) flavor that, while unique, assertively legislates the case against novelty. Texture-wise, it's a mess of upfront anemia and back-end weight-lifting chalk.That said, this is at least 3 times more enjoyable than the first formulation I had a couple years ago-- but 3 times zero is still zero.
Whoa-- way more sweet than I was expecting-- it was actually so powerfully cloying that it stung the back of the throat. I have to assume that this is not intentional and I got a particularly heavy-handed batch-- as I've had lots of this genre and it has never registered as painfully sweet. In an effort to look past that, there is a decent cocoa flavor (and gorgeous dark brown coloration) that is getting drowned out by the sugary onslaught. Texture-wise, it's got a bit of grit from the cocoa presence (again, which seems above and beyond for the lactose free, private-label genre,which I appreciate) and feels substantial and congruent with its 2% base. If you've got a sweet tooth, this will find it, and rot it out.
Though the ingredients don't differ (except caffeine content) In side-by-side comparison, this has a noticeably less-cloying upfront sweetness than its lower-ceffeine counterpart, making it feel slightly more balanced. The unpleasantly heavy chalkiness is still present in the latter half of the sip-- almost complelling you to take another sip-- which of course won't improve the situation. Like downing a bunch of water in an attempt to allay an undesired spiciness in your mouth. Anyway, I'm starting to feel the buzz a couple minutes into the can-- so the caffeine is definitely there and does its job well.
Thin, watery, and immediately sweet-- it has a similar hit to Yoo-hoo, but the cocoa flavor is drowned out by an inauthentic and oddly fleeting sweetness (whereas Yoo-hoo's cocoa flavor is drowned out by an authentic sweetness). The thin viscosity quickly abates and you're left with a surprisingly chalky finish given its initial litheness. I appreciate the niche it's going for-- high protein, low (no) sugar, and caffeine-- and I have had much worse things slither across my palate over the years. Try this for a quick fix of protein and/or caffeine, but don't expect a luxurious (or even average) chocolate milk experience from a flavor and drinking experience standpoint.
Decidedly undersweet, and though it doesn't taste good per se, it's a bold and pleasant departure from its overly-cloying fakely sweet peers. On the texture side, it's what you think it is-- sludgy, chalky, chock full of protein isolate-- all things that veer strongly away from 'milky'. I am nonetheless impressed by the potability and restraint on the sweetening side. It's not good, but I must admit it's twice as good as I expected it to be.
Fairly odd stuff, even for the chocolate-adjacent category. It's as though you spilled a cup of cornstarch in your hours-old mug of Folgers. Doesn't have a ton of flavor, but what's there is decidedly more coffee than cocoa. It's undersweet, undersalty, undercreamy, and overstarchy. On the plus side, you could probably use this as the goopy paste in your next paper maché project.
Tough to put into words, but think late-August seafood restaurant dumpster juice, without the intrigue. Solidly misses the mark on every facet of chocolate milk (except for a nice but unnaturally bright brown coloration). The flavor is a dull, non-sweet fruitiness with zero inkling of chocolate flavor, and the texture is an odd confluence of watery but chalky and sadly astringent during the remorseful afterglow. I applaud the concept. I dig the niche. I like the branding. Hate is a strong word. I absolutely hate the flavor and drinking experience.
Strong and quick pop of upfront sweetness that settles down with a cocoa dusting in the latter third of each sip. A strong saltiness both distracts from the chocolate flavor and likely obfuscates any would-be twang from the non-sugar sweeteners. In short, it's unique, and has a punchy flavor-- just not in the exact locations and proportions that you'd get in a top-tier chocolate milk.
Surprisingly flavorful and chocolaty for a shelf-stable, protein-fortified chocolate milk. Sure, there's some chalkiness from the protein concentrate, and sure, there's a slight but noticeable cooked milk flavor from the high-temp pasteurizing, but drinking this is decidedly more pleasure than pain, and compares very favorably to its typical 'recovery beverage' peer group. I get that a 5.0 isn't an impressive score, but for the genre, trust me- it is.
Strange light-vanilla flavor that has a cereal-esque bent to it-- but ultimately dominated by an inauthentic sweetness that peaks early and rears its head again in the aftertaste. It seems fakely sweet, fakely salty, and wholly unsatisfying. Texture-wise, it could be a lot worse, as it flows pretty freely and is not bogged down by a starchy sludginess like many others in the 'recovery' genre.
Attractive coffee-brown complexion, but the honeymoon wears thin rather quickly. It's immediately flavorful, which provides a little false hope that the remainder of the experience will follow suit. When the dust settles, your 'sweetness' itch has been adequately scratched, but the other elements (namely cocoa, cream) are largely missing, and foreboding sense of emptiness begins to set in.
The enjoyment peaks early on in the sip with the initial rush of cocoa and moderate sweetness-- but it quickly abates in favor of an intrusive stevia wave-- not quite sharp enough to call it a 'twang'-- but it wrests control of the flavor throughout the 2nd and 3rd trimester-- leaving you with an unsatisfying and slightly drying aftertaste.
Thinner texture and a nicely more 'lithe' drinking experience compared with the traditional Fairlife chocolate milk. The monk fruit sweetener has been dialed back to a more manageable level and really only hampers the aftertaste- and even that, only slightly.
Very muted flavor-- has an almost diluted quality to it, and while it's largely unoffensive-- it's far from moving the needle in any positive direction. Initially smooth, it finishes with a chalky, drying lilt and predictably flat aftertaste. I'll concede that the packaging looks cool-- but if it's what's on the inside that counts, this doesn't belong among polite society.
Disturbingly thick, decidedly undersweet-- you almost have to chew it to get it down, which is a lot more work than the payoff is worth. I do appreciate the confidence to go low on the sugar, while not supplimenting with another kabuki sweetener. It's unique, and has a hefty protein kick, but the thickness-to-creaminess ratio is dissatisfyingly high, and I'm left with a dry mouth, full gut, and shattered dreams. Ok that's a bit dramatic.
Very unique combination-- a thick, creamy body with understated, but twangy non-sugar sweetness. Cocoa is hard to locate and takes a back seat to the sweetener and relatively prominent cooked milk flavor. The aftertaste leaves an unsatisfying coating in the mouth, but for just 1g sugar, it sort of feels like a 'win.'
Somehow manages to avoid 'face-twisting' territory. The texture is chalky, drying, and heavy, while the flavor is best described as faux-sweetly metallic. You could do a lot worse in this category, but drinking this for pleasure would be an exercise in self-loathing. If you need 32g of protein with minimal caloric baggage, have at it, but don't expect to like it.
You won't believe that this doesn't contain 'coconut' flavor in some capacity. It's an odd flavor, completely devoid of chocolate, but surprisingly pleasant given the low expectations. It drinks a little lighter than its peers, but still has a drying chalkiness that seems to be unavoidable in this tranche. Points for uniqueness and wince-free potability.
As a closet Ensure apologist (don't tell anyone) this is largely similar in texture and flavor to its grown-up (elderly?) counterpart. There's a definite 'vitamin-y' quality to the flavor, but the sweet-salty balance is decent and there's enough fat content to usher each sip toward a satisfying conclusion provided your expectations are adequately tempered.
Lead-like dull flavor, with no semblance of what makes chocolate milk enjoyable-- some sweetness, cocoa, creaminess, etc-- none of those are remotely represented here. There's a mineral-esque, clinical, hold-your-nose-and-take-your-medicine quality to the 'flavor', and an egregiously chalky and drying finish that, as far as I can tell, is an effort to curb that pre-vomit salivation.
